How to Know if a Spiritual Director Is Right for You
Beginning spiritual direction is a significant step in your spiritual life. It’s a chance to sit with someone who will listen with you for the movement of God and help you pay attention to prayer, desire, and discernment.
Before committing to meet regularly, it’s important for you to take time to discover whether a particular spiritual director is a good fit. Here are some gentle questions to guide you.
1. How Did You Find This Director?
Were you referred by a friend, minister, or organisation?
What drew you to them?
Do you feel at ease with their background or tradition?
Beginnings tell us a lot.
2. Do You Have a Shared Understanding of Spiritual Direction?
Spiritual direction focuses on your relationship with God, not general life advice or therapy.
Ask yourself:
Do I understand what this person is offering?
Does their explanation match what I’m looking for?
Do I feel comfortable with the way they speak about prayer and faith?
3. How Are You Feeling Emotionally and Spiritually Right Now?
Spiritual direction is not counselling or crisis care.
Reflect on:
Do I have the support I need for mental health concerns (if any)?
Do I feel reasonably stable and ready to explore my inner life with God?
Is now the right time for this kind of reflective work?
4. Do You Feel Safe Sharing Honestly?
Every spiritual director should explain confidentiality clearly, including:
the confidentiality of sessions
that they take issues anonymously to supervision
the rare circumstances where confidentiality may be broken for safety
Notice how their explanation makes you feel:
Do I trust this person?
Do I feel safe, respected, and heard?
5. Does Their Spiritual Tradition and Style Suit You?
There’s no “right” tradition—just the one that helps you pray.
Consider:
Does their way of praying resonate with me?
Does their style feel spacious, welcoming, and gentle?
Do I sense that this relationship could help me grow?
6. A Question for Your Heart: Do You Feel at Peace?
Spiritual direction is a relationship of grace.
After the first meeting, take some space and pray:
Do I feel drawn or resistant?
Do I sense openness with this director?
Is there a quiet “yes,” even if small?
A good fit doesn’t mean perfect ease — just enough trust to begin.
If both you and the director feel ready, you can agree to start meeting. If not, trust that the Spirit will guide you to someone who is a better match. We recommend meeting with few spiritual directors to find a good match, you can reach out to people via our directory.